Random Thoughts

Well this is the week of no morning visits. Guess I better suck it up and get used to it cuz eventually I am going to have to get a job. It is funny how I get upset when he chooses other activities over talking to me. I mean I bend over backwards to give him every ounce of time that I have to spare and he is like "meh". He can truly do whatever he wants without thought to others. I guess I am just jealous and today I spent punishing him for it. I ignored the last night text, this mornings text, and I barely was able to force myself to respond to the repeated attempt at my attention with the late morning text. Then I was not very nice. I just am mad cause I cannot see exactly where I fit in his life. I mean I wish to spend most of my time with him but the situation we are in only allows for certain time spent and texts just suck. It is an easy way out for him cuz he can just send them to appease me. I texted you Hi so I am off the hook. He never inquires when he can see me and so I am done with warning him when I am free. For example, the other night I made a dessert and told him I could bring him some later that evening when he was home from hanging with his friend who he went to see at noonish. So from 4:30pm to 9:00 pm I just hung out driving around town figuring that at least by 8 pm he would be back to his house. So at quarter to nine I texted him telling him that he missed my cutoff and that I would just leave the dessert on his porch. Response, Ok sorry I would have liked to see you....I wanted to yell REALLY!!!!!! You didn't give me that impression. It is just frustrating and the longer I go the less I see me being in his life. I just don't fit in schedule wise. He clearly has his life mapped out for now and I was this weird happening that really doesn't fit anywhere. I wonder how long before I get completely fed up. I love him but I cannot see continuing to try for each shred of time. UGH FML!!!!