Random Thoughts

I should have lied! I should have lied through my teeth!!! It is so frustrating when people withhold advice because you tell them one angle of the story and they decide that your evil purpose is okay because it is justified! What happened to doing the right thing for the sake of being good? Just when I want a brutal lashing, out of nowhere he says its okay that I am justified as long as I seek couple counseling to make sure that the other one knows what is happening and what I feel. I should have left the bad part out until the end. Nothing is salvagable but still I need the chastising!!! My thoughts and actions are not those of a good person, but it is okay cuz he is who he is? And then the one who holds my heart is absolutely killing me this minute! I guess without the beating by E I deserve to be in pain. I am so frustrated by him letting things go when I want them challenged. If I tell him I am okay then it flies right out of his mind. Why do I have to say everything and why cant he see the pain I am in? I think I purposely set myself up for the fall. Maybe I should just move to the mountains and be a hermit with my own thoughts and twistedness.